A La Moonlight Shrink
by Sable-eyed-lily
Summary: Mick pays a visit to the Shrink after Josef forces him to. But nothing ever seems to go right around Mick, so why should this be any different? Warning: Spoilers through first 13 episodes


~A La Moonlight Shrink~

Author: Sable-eyed-lily

Rating: K+

Author's Summary: Mick has been forced to see a shrink by Josef. Thing's never seem to go right around Mick, so why would this be any different?

Author's Note: Back during the whole Moonlight Frenzy I was in while the show was still airing, I always said I had Moonlight withdrawl symptoms. I then said that I needed to see a Moonlight Shrink or something. That later made this idea pop into my head. So, introducing... A La Moonlight Shrink.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. Moonlight belongs to CBS. If it were mine, it would still be airing. Me? Bitter? Of course not... what ever gave you that idea... -_-

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**A La Moonlight Shrink**

"Mick St. John, thank you for joining me tonight."

"You're welcome." Mick replied in a dull voice. He was lounging on a black leather sofa.

"Do you know why you're here?"

"Yeah…" Mick said, already vowing to rip Josef to pieces for this.

"Why don't you tell me about it."

"You already know why I'm here."

"Why don't you tell me anyway."

"Fine…" Mick was finding the scratching of the pencil on the pad of paper very irritating. "My ex-friend Josef thinks I should see you."

"Why does he want you to see me?"

"He thinks I'm suicidal…"

"Are you?"

"Of course not!… Well… No! I'm not suicidal!" Mick glared at the person across from him angrily.

"If your not suicidal, why does your friend seem to think so?"

"Josef gets paranoid over the littlest things. How should I know what's going on in his head?" Mick had changed his mind. He would first stab Josef with a silver tipped stake, and then rip him to pieces.

"Has there been any trauma lately in your life?"

Mick laughed. "Of course there has."

"Will you tell me about it?"

"Why should I? We both know you're counting the minutes until I leave." Mick glared at her.

"I'm doing no such thing Mr. St. John."

"… How many minutes are left?"

"Fifty-four. Now tell me, Mr. St. John, have you ever been to therapy before?"

"Massage therapy, but I don't think that counts."

"Mr. St. John, I'm only here to help you."

"Yeah, yeah…"

"Why don't you start at the beginning of all your troubles?"

"Well, let's see if I can sum it all up for you…" Mick paused for a moment. "In 1952, my crazy wife turned me into a vampire on our wedding night. She introduced me to Josef, who quite recently meet the 400 year mark. I thought he was a pompous jerk at first, but then we came to be friends.

About 33 years after my turning, the psycho wife from hell kidnapped a child, and I killed her, or so I thought. I watched over, watched over being better words than stalked, the little girl for the next 22 years, and then I got to know her as the woman she really is. Then she found out what I was, and didn't fear me. I later fed off her in the desert, and avoided her for a while. That didn't work out so well.

I then killed a sex-crazed 200 year old teenaged vamp, and Beth kissed me in the parking lot. Later on we agreed those kisses were accidents. She has a boyfriend you see? During that awkward phase between us, I killed Josef's once-a-decade-booty-call, but not before Beth came to me all high on B.C., dried vampire blood that is. And she asked me to turn her. I, being the gentlemanly good-guy, didn't.

Then the ex-wife just had to show up, and Beth stabbed her. But it turns out she was human and she found a cure. We had a dead man come back as a vampire, and he ruined the skylights in my apartment when he tried to break in. Then Beth found out that I'd stalked her for about 22 years. She didn't seem too disgusted by it, she even kissed me after finding out I was her guardian angel. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

Then Josef died and came back from the dead. I was going to take Beth out to paint the town, but she turned me down. That stung quite a bit. Then again, I'm 85 and she's 26. We've got quite the dirty-old-man factor going on here. Then Beth's boyfriend just had to die right in front of us. I tried to save him, and then she actually has the nerve to ask me to turn him, and I promptly refused. Then she blamed me for his death, and refused to be

near me. Then, she realized her mistake, and came back.

But then the ex-wife escaped from the hospital and was running from her crazy brother Lance. She came to me for help. Turns out she was actual royalty, and not the courtesan I thought I married. I mean really, is it too much to ask for a little honesty in destructive relationship? Then the manipulative whore gave me the cure, and I was human. Then we were ambushed, and Coraline got carted off by her dear brother, who welcomed me to the family, but not before kicking my ass. Then I went to Josh's funeral, the dead boyfriend that is, and saw Beth there. And then I reverted back to a vamp, and Josef thinks I'm ready to kill myself any day now. The best thing that's happened to me this week was eating a few stale donuts. So, that pretty much sums up everything. How'd I do?"

The shrink stared at him, stunned for a moment, before scribbling on the pad of paper again.

"What are you writing?" Mick asked curiously. Now that he'd talked about everything, he felt much better.

"Just a few notes… I'll be right back Mr. St. John. Please wait here." The woman left the room without another word.

Mick's curiosity won out, and he picked up the notes from the table in front of him. There in large print was '**DELUSIONAL**' written on the piece of paper. It was even underlined twice. "What the… Ah hell no…" Mick quickly reached for his phone and dialed for Josef.

Josef picked up on the second ring. "I did it for your own good Mick." was the first thing he said.

"Josef!" Mick hissed urgently. "Please tell me the shrink you sent me to knows about vampires!"

"Of course he does."

"HE?!?!?!"

"Of course a he. Who've you been with for the last hour?"

"I went to the place you told me to. JOSEF! Where did you send me?"

"I wrote down the address on a slip of paper for you. How could you have gotten lost? All you had to do was go on 335th street."

"335?!? You have on here 835! Josef! Where in the hell am I?" Mick was yelling into the phone.

"I don't know!!!!" Josef was roaring back. "Please tell me you made no reference about vampires Mick, please tell me…"

"Of course I did! I thought you sent me to someone that knew about vamps!" Mick said in his defense. "Josef! What am I gonna do?!?"

"How should I know?!?! This is your problem, not mine!"

"I wouldn't be here if you had just left me alone! Or if you had some decent handwriting!"

"It's not my fault if my secretary has bad writing skills!" Josef was about to yell some more, but was cut off from Mick.

"-She's coming back! What'll I do?" Mick asked.

"Why don't you act like some crazy, psycho guy, and get sent to an asylum?" Josef suggested.

"I am NOT going to an asylum Josef." Mick growled.

"Think about it Mick? You said you needed a change of scenery. I bet you can honestly say you've never shared a cell with a crazy inmate!" Josef said, his voice filled with stifled laughter.

"Unfortunately I have, I've roomed with you before, haven't I?'

"Ha, ha… Now, for the sake of our community, start foaming at the mouth and jump on the furniture for a bit. Picture Beth in your head. You usual drool every time you do that. The asylum will do you some good. Get rid of all your stress when your slamming into the mattress covered walls in a straightjacket."

"I said, I'm not going to an asylum." Mick was about to start shouting again. If he hadn't gone to the vampire shrink, who had he gone to? He could hear the woman coming back He quickly hung up on Josef and tried to look nonchalant as she entered the room.

"Mr. St. John, it is my conclusion that you need to be further analyzed for extensive psychological problems." Mick began to sputter in protest before the woman cut him off. "-I also want you to continue to visit me every Saturday for the next 8 weeks. I expect to see you here on time come next Saturday. Good bye Mr. St. John." The woman left and shut the door quietly behind her.

Mick stared after her. Once he was sure she was out of ear-shot, he let out a stream of curses. He had to come back for _8 friggin' weeks_?!?! Mick changed is mind for a third time. He was going to track down Josef, stab him with a silver-tipped stake, rip him to pieces, and then to finish it off, set him on fire… And as an added bonus, throw him into a nice patch of sunlight...

Mick left the Shrink's office, less than happy. His phone rang, and he saw it was Josef calling. He ignored the incessant ringing, and continued on his way. He sat grumpily in his car as he started to drive away. He looked at his cell phone as the happy ring tone for texts sang shrilly in the Mercedes. He look at the message from Josef. 'COME HERE ASAP!'

Mick sighed, and headed for the grand mansion. He wanted Josef to crawl on his knees and beg Mick for forgiveness for his stupidity. _Maybe I could even get Josef to kiss my feet._ Mick thought hopefully. He pulled up to the mansion, and hurried to the front door. He eventually found Josef in his office.

Josef waved him in as he ended a phone call. "Well, I see all is well with you." Josef said smiling widely.

"No thanks to you." Mick glared at him.

"About that…" Josef started, pausing for effect. _Here comes the apology. _Mick thought. "I've been thinking... I don't want you to become Mick the miserable bastard again, so I got the real vampire shrink to agree to see you for the next 12 weeks! He's even agreed to come to your apartment for your sessions. Isn't this great?" Josef beamed at Mick.

Mick's voice seemed to lose the ability to speak. He was mouthing incomprehensible words, but Josef could get the gist.

"Now Mick… I did this for your own good. You're always complaining to me about your problems, so why not get a professional to help you? Mick… Where are you going Mick?"

………

"Oh good, you came back, I… Mick… what are you doing with that gun?… Mick?…Now Mick, you know this was for your own good. Now stop pointing that thing at me, and just put the gun down. That's it… Mick! What did you say about castration? Now stay back Mick… I'm warning you… MICK!!!! SECURITY!!!!!!!"

~fin~

_R&R please! And let me know what you think!_

Toodles!

_Sable-eyed-lily_

_XOXO_


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